Walks into the KKKlanfield changing room and discovers to his shock a large steaming turd in the middle of the deck. "Who's shit on the floor?" he demands. Quick as a flash Andy Carroll raises his hand: "Me Boss, but I'm quite good in the air, waye eye," he replies. Talking of which...what a monster I uncurled round Dingley Dell this morning. This rascal was so large it had it's own gravitational pull, I swear. It took so long to deposit it had seven breather rings on it, a bit like Saturn but browner it was. And more sausage shaped obviously, I'm not a freak you know. Nice business.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...