Apologies for the lack of blogging this past few days, I've been as sick as, well a dog actually. Huey and Rolf are my new best buddies. Think I must have ate some cat shit by mistake, I hate cats the mercenary little buggers. If a dog kept a diary it would go something like this: Monday. Ran round the garden. Great! Chased a few cats. Great! Went for a walk. Fantastic! Played stick. Awesome! Had me tea. Brilliant! Slept on me bean bag. Chillin! What a brilliant day, can't wait for tomorrow. Whereas a cats diary would go like this (probably in a German accent): Monday, day 572 of my captivity. Amused myself by half killing a selection of small rodents and secreting them around the house. Then kept flicking them to get them to move, then catching them again. Ripped open a mouse's chest just because I can. Passed on tea, I'm not eating muck out of a tin. Shit in the corner of the lounge in the hope that it may disgust them enough to free me. Bit the heads off some baby sparrows after their mother had flown off in search of food, tee hee. Watch as Mum returns ditraught and then go on to terrorise a family of door mice that live behind the shed. Pissed on the settee then bed.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...