Skip to main content

Virgin Media Are Not Shit

They're offering me Dad £50 off his next bill for everyone of his mates that he gets to sign up to them. So he's asked me to issue the following statement on his behalf: "Virgin Media are not shit, they are fucking ace actually, and have never, ever, let me down. What that Branson bloke wouldn't do for you isn't worth writing down. Won't hear a word said against the nice bewhiskered gentleman. Great bloke, great company. Not at all a complete waste of tossing, bastard, fucking cyberspace. That's some other lot, the ones that get Ruby Wax to advertise on the telly for them. They really are shite. Abject shite. Don't know their arses from a hole in the ground them, not like Richard." The End. He doesn't usually call him Richard. It's Dick normally, that's how close they are. Does anyone know what a supercillious twat is by the way? It sounds very important, and Dick is one apparently. So there. I might send him an engraved pooh on a plinth for his services to telecommunications.

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

Fucking phone calls

Hey guess what - as well as hating fucking passwords, me dad hated automated voice systems too. Welcome to the WeDontGiveAShit Insurance helpline, to start off please type in your 16 digit account code followed by the hash key. Panics, finds number on a piece of paper, types 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 6 6 6 slowly. Sorry that account code is not recognised, did you forget the hash key? Please try again. Oh fuck I did that wrong it ends in 10 66 not 16 66, types number in again, followed by the # key. Press 1 for inquiries, 2 for claims, 3 for whatever and 4 for fuck knows. For all other inquiries please hold. Presses 2. Great, Press 1 for a new claim, and 2 for an existing claim. Presses 2 again. Moronic music plays. I'm Bored shit less already. OK, you are 4th in the queue, please hold. Moronic music starts on repeat. Still bored shit less; my patience is running out. OK, now enter your date of birth followed by the hash key. Types 26 03 1961 and then ...

Felines on the shirt ...

I wouldn't normally have anything to do with cats, but this is inspired. Bit like that doggy that looked like Hitler. Stay woof