Skip to main content

Sweaty Socks

You can always rely on a "Sweaty Sock" to let you down can't you? Much the same as the England football team. Mind you, at least the England football team do get to the finals of major tournaments. Finals, not the final, that would be just too bizarre. The thing that bamboozled me a bit about Murray was that he did everything totally the wrong way round. Winning the first set, going close in the second, then rapidly capitulating after he slipped on a carelessly discarded banana skin. If he'd actually read the Jock Sportsmanship Manual he'd have discovered that it reads like this: 1) get miles behind right from the start, losing 5-0 to Honduras is a good beginning. 2) sneak a streaky 1-1 draw against someone like the Faroe Islands or Lichtenstein with a flukey deflection in injury time. 3) Now you need to beat Brazil 15-0 to get through. Against all the odds you are 14-0 up with 15 minutes to go. You then have a hotly disputed clear penalty disallowed, as the ref waves play on Brazil run down the other end and stick 15 past your hapless goalkeeper, Titch McPhee, in the last ten minutes and you lose 14-15, pack your bags and go home to a hero's welcome. Job done. Wait another 40 years and repeat.

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

Fucking phone calls

Hey guess what - as well as hating fucking passwords, me dad hated automated voice systems too. Welcome to the WeDontGiveAShit Insurance helpline, to start off please type in your 16 digit account code followed by the hash key. Panics, finds number on a piece of paper, types 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 6 6 6 slowly. Sorry that account code is not recognised, did you forget the hash key? Please try again. Oh fuck I did that wrong it ends in 10 66 not 16 66, types number in again, followed by the # key. Press 1 for inquiries, 2 for claims, 3 for whatever and 4 for fuck knows. For all other inquiries please hold. Presses 2. Great, Press 1 for a new claim, and 2 for an existing claim. Presses 2 again. Moronic music plays. I'm Bored shit less already. OK, you are 4th in the queue, please hold. Moronic music starts on repeat. Still bored shit less; my patience is running out. OK, now enter your date of birth followed by the hash key. Types 26 03 1961 and then ...

Felines on the shirt ...

I wouldn't normally have anything to do with cats, but this is inspired. Bit like that doggy that looked like Hitler. Stay woof