Watched Celeb MasterChef with the two-legged people last night and that Gareth Gates punter was the only one on there I recognised. Firstly, he appears to have turned into some sort of Morrisey tribute act, as he looks even more like the ex-Smiths front man than Morrissey himself. I kept expecting him to burst into "Heaven knows I'm miserable n,n,n,n,n,n..aw, forget it" but he didn't. In fact he didn't stutter at all. Which got me thinking did he just put that on in a cynical attempt to win a few extra votes in Pop Idol? Not that I've got anything against people who stutter, my mate Derek has a terrible stutter. Every time he introduces himself it's like the opening bars of Match of the Day. De, de, de, de, de, de, de, de de...de, de, de, de, de, de....
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...