ADVERTSING FEATURE: To celebrate the recent release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton are releasing a special Collector's Edition of two small jugs. Hand-fondled by experts, these jugs are yours to admire forever and can be proudly displayed for your own personal amusement and entertainment value anytime you like in the privacy of your own home. A treasured heirloom, to be handed down for generations to come to enjoy, the jugs come free of all bubble wrap and are adorned with realistic hand-painted raspberries. SEND NO MONEY NOW! We will direct debit you, you muppet. These jugs can be yours for five easily affordable payments of just £39.99 plus £8.99 p&p, ready for you to have them on display or drink from in time for Christmas. Amuse the kids, delight the grand parents and frighten the cat all at the same time. Register now, and receive a complimentary six month's subscription to Royal Razzle, the gentleman's magazine that features exclusive photos of obscure members of royalty from around the globe in various stages of undress taken from over 1,000 metres away. Even wondered what colour Princess Eugene's pubes are? Or if Princess Maxima of the Netherlands even has any? Royal Razzle has all the answers. Simply fill in the form below: Name....................... Address.......................................... Postcode............... Bank Account No.............. Sort Code............ I certify that I am stupid (Signature) ................... Please rush me your Commemorative Duchess of Cambridge Jug Set. Eventually.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.