Fuck me, what a busy weekend they've had, flopping out in France, Ireland and Italy whilst she's been in Borneo or somewhere. Magic royal raspberry ripples they are. Think of the air miles they've clocked up already. More than Judith Chalmers' leathery old saddle bags that's for sure. Suddenly more people have had a blimp at the Duchesses fairly unimpressive jowlers than Jordan's. There's something inherently wrong about Johnny Foreigner copping an eyeful of the Regal Molehills before we Brits have had chance of a decent butchers at Kate's Kohinoor Diamonds though isn't there? I'm already sick to the back teeth of them. I had a dream last night that Prince William was attacking me with a wet lettuce whilst the DOE looked on wearing only a leather posing pouch and nipple clamps that I'm sure was something to do with it/them. Put them away dear and give us all a break. The Daily Mail, bless, are doing their best to rise above it. Reporting from Borneo they say "they laughed and smiled as they watched the men act out a welcome ceremony called a tukawaka" missing out the bit about "before Wills chucked his car keys on the table and said OK lads who's first?"
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.