Fuck me, what a busy weekend they've had, flopping out in France, Ireland and Italy whilst she's been in Borneo or somewhere. Magic royal raspberry ripples they are. Think of the air miles they've clocked up already. More than Judith Chalmers' leathery old saddle bags that's for sure. Suddenly more people have had a blimp at the Duchesses fairly unimpressive jowlers than Jordan's. There's something inherently wrong about Johnny Foreigner copping an eyeful of the Regal Molehills before we Brits have had chance of a decent butchers at Kate's Kohinoor Diamonds though isn't there? I'm already sick to the back teeth of them. I had a dream last night that Prince William was attacking me with a wet lettuce whilst the DOE looked on wearing only a leather posing pouch and nipple clamps that I'm sure was something to do with it/them. Put them away dear and give us all a break. The Daily Mail, bless, are doing their best to rise above it. Reporting from Borneo they say "they laughed and smiled as they watched the men act out a welcome ceremony called a tukawaka" missing out the bit about "before Wills chucked his car keys on the table and said OK lads who's first?"
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...