Reports are flooding in from all over Essex that this missing schoolgirl has been sighted there. Presumably from the same twats that saw that lion a couple of weeks ago. Google is 14 years old today I see, I bet that's got a few maths teachers interested. As torrential rain and gales continue to lash the north of England, me Dad says he couldn't believe how strong the wind was last night. He only nipped out to get a pint of milk for me Mum and got blown all the way to the Coach & Horses. They say that "if something's worth having then it's worth waiting for" don't they? Me Dad says he discovered that to be complete bollocks when he got a job working in the warehouse at Argos. He didn't last long though, something about a "clash of personalities" he reckons. Although that requires having a personality in the first place doesn't it? The thick get. He was pulled over by a police car on his way home from work last night. The officer said "Do you know why I've pulled you over sir?" Me Dad replied "Erm, no officer, I don't." The policeman said "Well, this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten or so miles and your driving is exemplary. Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users. Well done!" Me Dad said "Thanks, so you reckon it's worth me getting a licence then?" I told you he was thick.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.