Why on earth would anyone decide to bury Richard III in a car park? I know a thing or two about "Richard the thirds" and it's never even once crossed my mind to bury one of mine in a car park I can tell you. There's the obvious tarmac problem for a kick off, not to mention dodgy women drivers trying to reverse their Nissan Micra as if it was a 38 tonne lorry. Surely they'd be better off concentrating their search in some nearby bushes? And Leicester of all places. Jesus Christ, Fucking Leicester. I've been to Leicester and it's shit. Completely shit. On a shitness scale of 0-10 Leicester is easily a 12, maybe a 13 if it's raining. Although come to think of it maybe there's a clue in there. Maybe they've come across some ancient manuscript that says something like "Headeth off to the shittiest place in all the land, there thee will find a kingly mound, in the McDonalds grill order bay dig up the third, where thee will find nestling a Richard III." Stranger things have happened. Next week, archaeologists dig up KFC in Starbeck in search for Boadicea.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...