Has won his libel case against the Daily Mirror for labelling him a "racist comedian" and given his 'winnings' to charity I hear. Well done Frankie boy. How could a ginger Jock be racist? Talking of winnings, me Dad took me into the bookies on Saturday, it was the first time I've ever been in there and found it fascinating. He'd decided that he wanted to have a bet. So he did: Is Steven Gerrard a twat? Yes. And that Frankel thing in a win double. The bloke behind the counter said: "that's a bit risky mate." "Why?" asked me Dad, "don't you think Steven Gerrard is a twat?" The bloke said "well yes, obviously, but Frankel's never run on ground this soft before you know." Woof. He's off to Ireland tomorrow, me Dad not Frankel, so I'm hoping that he'll bring me some sausages back. Irish sausages are supposed to be very good I hear, although I'd settle for a bag of pork scratchings if they do them over there. Fifteen quid it was to take a fucking suitcase, the cheeky twats. Me Dad says he said to them "Bugger me, I only want to travel to fucking Ireland, not buy it." Ryaniar can be expecting a polished pooh on a plinth if they sit him next to that outrageous bender again like they did last time. He said it was the only time in his life he was hoping that his plane was going to crash. "Oh, I'll have a Kit Kat please. No, just a small one, I can't do the full four fingers. Drinks, yes, let me see, have you got anything warm and creamy? Food, erm, I could murder a nice hot sausage. Oh, no don't get me started, I'm a bugger for a man in uniform, me. What's your name big boy? Roger, very nice. Alcohol? Any chance of a Slammer, Roger?"
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.