Have you seen it? If not don't. I thought it was an episode of MaterChef to start with, the one where the contestants all have to stuff an oversized Christmas turkey with 50 kilos of sage and onion. When I realised that it wasn't a turkey up there with it's legs akimbo I had to leave the room. One minute right, there's this woman just stood there, then the next thing right, she completely pisses herself. I'm not kidding. Like Niagara Falls it was. She didn't even try and make the loo, she just stood there, like a (literally) big wet lemon. The Severn Bore cascading down her surgical stockings. Put me right off me sausages that did. Even me Dad had to look away, and he used to be in the Scouts, that's how bad it was. Thank fuck that's finished for another series.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...