Out for a walk the other day we walked past this big field of pigs. I love pigs I do, lazing around all day, eating and rolling in shit, what a great life. And their ears taste nice too, when they've finished with them. Me Dad likes pigs as well, I think they remind him fondly of his ex missus. He said that once when she was eating a bowl of soup she accidentally spilled it all over herself and said "Christ look at the state of me, I look like a right pig." Me Dad said "Yeah, and you've got soup all over yourself now as well." Which he says didn't go down too well. Some people are so picky aren't they? She said "Sometimes you just treat our relationship like a game" to which he replied "Do you wanna go 50:50 on that or phone a friend?" He says he came home from work once and said to her "I've got a new nickname for you." She said "What is it?" He said "Bambi" She said "Aww, is that 'cos I'm really cute and have beautiful eyes?" He said "No, it's because I've just killed your mother." Woof.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.