In the house, on me own again. Bored bastard shitless I am. I bark at the odd passer-by just to show a bit of willing more than anything else, sleep a bit, chew me paw a bit, check me bowl a bit (there's never anything in the fucker, I don't know why I bother). Fucking starving I am. They haven't even left the telly on for me or balls all. How the fuck is a Border Terrier supposed to get by in conditions like this. I bet even Terry Fucking Waite had the telly on. Probably sat up in bed, reading the papers with a cup of tea watching Jeremy Kyle all day was our Tez. Not me, oh no. I'm off out of here the first bastard chance I get. I'll show the heartless fuckers. Don't tell anyone right, but I'm going to dig a tunnel....
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...