Skip to main content

The Duke of Edinburgh

Doesn't look well does he? I for one will be surprised if he makes it to Christmas. Apparently he's not even Scottish, I mean how can the Duke of Edinburgh NOT be Scottish? You'll be telling me that the Queen's part fucking German next. God bless her royal Ma'amness. Have you seen them new Coca Cola bottles with peoples names on them? I went to the paper shop with me Dad yesterday and there was a bloke in there frantically searching through all of them for one with his wife's name on it, but when he couldn't find one he just got her a KitKat Chunky instead. It's a good job me iPad does spell check 'cos that just came out as a KitKat Chinky! I mean she may have been Chinese for all I know. Well, I say may have been, I assume that if she WAS Chinese then she probably still IS Chinese. If she is Chinese then do you suppose he said to her on their wedding night "how do you fancy a 69, love?" to which she replied "no chance, you know I hate beef with broccoli." Woof.

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

Fucking phone calls

Hey guess what - as well as hating fucking passwords, me dad hated automated voice systems too. Welcome to the WeDontGiveAShit Insurance helpline, to start off please type in your 16 digit account code followed by the hash key. Panics, finds number on a piece of paper, types 4 9 2 9 4 2 9 1 6 1 0 0 1 6 6 6 slowly. Sorry that account code is not recognised, did you forget the hash key? Please try again. Oh fuck I did that wrong it ends in 10 66 not 16 66, types number in again, followed by the # key. Press 1 for inquiries, 2 for claims, 3 for whatever and 4 for fuck knows. For all other inquiries please hold. Presses 2. Great, Press 1 for a new claim, and 2 for an existing claim. Presses 2 again. Moronic music plays. I'm Bored shit less already. OK, you are 4th in the queue, please hold. Moronic music starts on repeat. Still bored shit less; my patience is running out. OK, now enter your date of birth followed by the hash key. Types 26 03 1961 and then ...

Felines on the shirt ...

I wouldn't normally have anything to do with cats, but this is inspired. Bit like that doggy that looked like Hitler. Stay woof