What do you call a Russian vet? Kutsacatz Kokov. Woof. I fucking hate cats me, the lazy twats. All they do is lie around all day. Not like me, tunnels to dig, pig's ears to eat, bollocks to lick. I'm a non stop bastard whirlwind me. They just sit there looking at you don't they? Like the world owes them a fucking living, on the shed roof out the back, the dirty lazy twats. If there was a social security office for pets, us dogs would never get a look in for those lazy fuckers. Licking their arses, their own fucking dirty arses they lick, I kid you not. Fuck knows why they do that. I mean it must taste like shit for a kick off mustn't it? And then when they have a shit, what do they do? They bury the fucker! Why do that? Me Dad picks mine up, it makes me gip it does, but he seems to strangely like it. But no, they bury theirs, like they're gonna save it and come back and lick it later. The dirty fucking shit licking lazy bastards.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...