What do you call a Russian vet? Kutsacatz Kokov. Woof. I fucking hate cats me, the lazy twats. All they do is lie around all day. Not like me, tunnels to dig, pig's ears to eat, bollocks to lick. I'm a non stop bastard whirlwind me. They just sit there looking at you don't they? Like the world owes them a fucking living, on the shed roof out the back, the dirty lazy twats. If there was a social security office for pets, us dogs would never get a look in for those lazy fuckers. Licking their arses, their own fucking dirty arses they lick, I kid you not. Fuck knows why they do that. I mean it must taste like shit for a kick off mustn't it? And then when they have a shit, what do they do? They bury the fucker! Why do that? Me Dad picks mine up, it makes me gip it does, but he seems to strangely like it. But no, they bury theirs, like they're gonna save it and come back and lick it later. The dirty fucking shit licking lazy bastards.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.