Christ on a bike, it's starting to feel more than a bit like Christmas round at our house, following the arrival of yet another parcel for yours truly. My best mates, and the undisputed No1 fertiliser supplier in the whole of the country - Thomas Bell of Brigg - have only gone and sent me a thing called an Advent Calendar. You've probably never heard of one, so here's a brief description. It's like a thin box, about the size of a piece of A4 paper, and there's all these little window things on it with numbers on them, right? Now I think that the idea is that behind one of the windows is a little prize, and you have to guess which window it is. So, you might say "7" and you open window seven and there's fuck all there, so you close window seven and have another go. Well, get this, the one they've sent me must be a dud or something, 'cos there's a little prize behind ALL the fucking windows! Honest. Woooohooooo. How do I know that? Well, 'cos I've opened them all and eaten the fucking lot haven't I. What a fucking brilliant idea. It almost makes up for the fact that me Mum and Dad are making me wear a new collar. There's was nothing wrong with the old one - they reckoned that it smelled of shit - which it did, but what else do they expect a Border Terrier's collar to smell of - David Beckham? I don't mean the actual heavily tattooed ponce himself, I mean David Beckham by David Beckham - shows very little in the way of imagination doesn't it by the way, just like the man himself? Still, hats off to his missus. She's donated a load of her surplus unwanted clothing to help the starving in Africa. All they need to do now is lose a couple of stone and they'll soon be able to fit into them. Woof.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.