Got taken to the beach on Friday for game of stick. For the uninitiated, stick involves them throwing a stick into the sea, and me running in and retrieving it. Fucking freezing cold the bastard North Sea is at this time of year. In and out, in and fucking out, soaked wet through, covered in fucking sand I was. The tight bastards. I think they're losing it, seriously. Why on fucking earth would they assume that the first time I bring them back their fucking stick, that I want them to promptly chuck it back in again? It has no logic, look here's your fucking stick, keep hold of it this time will ya? But no, straight back in the fucking North Sea it goes, with me expected to go and get the fucker back. Still, at least afterwards we did pay a visit to Mrs Sausage as they call her, for an al fresco breakfast and a cup of tea. When we got back we watched Pointless Celebrities, have you seen that? Basically it consists of lots of old people who used to be famous, having one last shot at it in front of the cameras before they die. Answering questions. Well that bird who was in the Railway Children 50 million years ago (and Robin's Nest me Dad said, but I've never seen that) was on it. Sally Thomsett she was called. Fuck me, she looked like someone had taken their pet chipmonk down to the local garage, stuck the thing that inflates the tyres up it's arse, and pumped her up as high as she would go without bursting. Rough as a badger's arse she was. Me Dad reckons she used to be a bit of babe back in the old days. Well she fucking isn't any more that's for sure. Thick as fuck too she was. Erm, I've got to go the Jehovas Witnesses are here....Grrrrrrrr, woof, woof, woof, grrrrrrrr, I'll have your fingers off you fuckers.....
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.