Proshiteroles

For this dish you need half a pound of Labrador shit (ignore what Nigella says, Labrador shit is best for this recipe, and you can find it in the chiller at Asda these days if you don't fancy foraging for your own) and some Choux pastry (you can make it yourself if you can be arsed) and a pint of double cream. Lightly grease a large baking sheet and put bits of rolled into a ball shaped proshiteroles on it and pop them into a medium oven for about ten minutes. Meanwhile, gently melt the Labrador shit in a bowl placed over a pan of simmering water. Gently is the watchword here, you don't want to go at it like a bull in a China shop or the shit will curdle and split. Keep stirring the shit until it's all melted. (If you're a student then you can skip this bit and simply place your shit on a microwavable plate and ding it on high for around 4 minutes). It won't taste as good, but as you're a student you will neither care nor realise that this is the case. Leave your shit to cool a little. Whilst it's cooling, pipe whipped cream into the centre of your proshiteroles and pile them up into something that looks a bit like a small mountain. Now, carefully pour your semi-molten Labrador shit over your proshiteroles and garnish with a few chopped hazelnuts and sprig of mint. Enjoy. Tomorrow: cow's cock and onions.