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The Telly

First off, what the fuck was Fiona Bruce wearing for the Antiques Roadshow on Sunday night? Sartorial elegance has never been her thing, I'll give you that. Her dress standards are lower than Kerry Katona's IQ. Then we are treated to Mark Lawrenson on Match of the Day looking like Harry Hill's ageing alcoholic Grandad. What the fuck's that all about? Then they keep inundating us with another one of those fucking Oxfam ads. "Sinita has no food, no water and no hope..." Fair enough, I've got empathy for Sinita and her little lad who has to drag a carton of water back from the watering hole fifteen miles away every day, especially having only eaten the shite that Sinita dishes up for him. Why doesn't Sinita go and get the fucking water herself instead of scrabbling around in the dust and sending the little lad off for it? What I also don't get is how come for four quid Sinita can have a cow and suddenly everything's sorted. First off, is that all cow's cost out there? And what's the fucking cow gonna eat? Fresh air? And surely the cow's gonna be even more thirsty than they are? So the little lad is gonna have to start dragging even more water back from the fucking watering hole than he does at the moment. He's gonna be fucking knackered. They haven't though this through have they? Maybe the little lad is gonna ride the cow to and from the watering hole until it's so fucked it keel's over, they eat it, and then we buy her another one next month? As Ricky Gervais infamously once suggested. Why don't they just move closer to the fucking water? Woof.

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