We got the bus back from Leeds at the weekend, and a right fucking weirdo that the kids immediately christened "Bus Jesus" got on. He was white, but had dreadlocks, clad in shorts and flip flops and donned a bit of a beard. He was clearly on "medication" and sat down and immediately scanned the bus for his next victim/disciple. Luckily it wasn't us, although it was directly behind us. Bus Jesus then decides to avail the entire bus of his thoughts on life, philosophy and pretty much everything else. "I always think that to learn something, you have to go out there and learn it"- cheers, Bus Jesus, I hadn't really thought of it that way. The best one though was undoubtedly "Why can't people just say what they are thinking? Why do they have to bottle it up? They just stare at their mobile phones." At which point I wish I could report that me Dad turned round and said "Shut the fucking flying fucking fuck up Bus Fucking Jesus, you boring moronic fucking hippy twat. There's a reason that white people don't sport fucking dreadlocks. It's the same reason that Bob Marley wasn't blonde. Do you get my fucking drift you sad little piece of fucking turd piss? It make you look like a total tit-faced bell end. It made Mick Hucknall look like a complete fucking ginger twat didn't it, so why would you be any different?" But sadly he didn't. He just stared at his mobile phone.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.