Did you know that statistically speaking, you are more likely to get bitten by Luis Suarez than a shark? Woof.... Christ that was a right twatting for Brazil last night wasn't it? Can't say I'm sorry, even if it does mean that Germany are in the final. That gives me a good opportunity to tell one or two of my favourite German jokes though. Two German blokes are in a bar, and one says to the other "I saw a long queue of men waiting outside you house last night whilst you were out, and your missus kept letting them in one by one every half hour or so!" The other German replies "Yes, sadly she has turned to prostitution to subsides her drink and drug habit." That's about as funny as it gets in Germany. I say, I say, I say, why aren't there any asprin in the jungle? Because the retailing of pharmaceuticals in a largely unpopulated rainforest isn't economically viable. Woof.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...