Why is it that it makes all the girls want to dress up like fucking Daisy Duke or Kylie? There's nothing more guaranteed to get me to chuck my breakfast up than some fat munter in tight shorts and a skimpy top. What's up with them? Have they no self respect? They usually either have milky white skin or are more burnt than Nicky Lauda's ears after 20 minutes in the fucking microwave. We saw one this morning who's arse was so large that she left a trail of slug-like slime all down the pavement in front of us. The dirty cow. Fat girls, NO! Stay indoors until winter for fuck's sake you ugly trolls.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...