Why is it that it makes all the girls want to dress up like fucking Daisy Duke or Kylie? There's nothing more guaranteed to get me to chuck my breakfast up than some fat munter in tight shorts and a skimpy top. What's up with them? Have they no self respect? They usually either have milky white skin or are more burnt than Nicky Lauda's ears after 20 minutes in the fucking microwave. We saw one this morning who's arse was so large that she left a trail of slug-like slime all down the pavement in front of us. The dirty cow. Fat girls, NO! Stay indoors until winter for fuck's sake you ugly trolls.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.