Me Mum and Dad took me to the pub yesterday, which meant that Me Dad had to get some cash out on the way. Get this right, where we live, when you need cash, you just go to this magic thing called "the hole in the wall" and type in how much you want and it gives it to you! How afuckingbout that! And when you've run out, you just go back and it gives you some more! I don't know why the soft fuckers go out to work all day, what's the fucking point? Anyway, we get to the hole thingy, and there's two people in front of us, they are probably married, but I don't know for sure. I didn't ask to see a marriage certificate or anything, but they looked married, right? A man with a stick (the lazy twat) and a woman. The bloke is wearing large very dark sunglasses. In the middle of bastard winter right, dickhead. He's got a dog, one of them Alsation things. And get this, it's got a fucking hi-viz jacket on and some sort of "handle" coming out of it's back! I kid you not. In the middle of fucking town, you see all sorts round here. So, the woman gets her money out, then the bloke wants a go. However he can't even be arsed to take his sunglasses off, the bell end, so he wants her to do it for him. The lazy fucking bone idle twat. So this palaver carries on for what seems like an eternity. Meanwhile the fucking Alsation is giving me the evils right. He's bigger than me, but that doesn't bother me, he's clearly a tart in that fucking jacket with a handle on it. So I think, right then, do you want some? So I'm trying to get in there, and me Mum is holding me back. She knows I'll probably kill the fucker. Then the bloke starts muttering to his missus about how some people should learn to control their dogs! Who he's fucking talking about I don't know as there's only me and their poncy Alsation there, and that's now whimpering like a fucking baby. Me Dad is getting more and more pissed off, as they keep him waiting for his turn to get some free money, he probably thinks that they are going to drain the entire magic hole or something. So he says to the bloke "excuse me Stevie Wonder, you're obviously blind, or partially sighted to be walking round town with that ugly old boot, but that doesn't disqualify you from being a COMPLETE TWAT. Now could you get a move on, and meanwhile stick your fucking opinions up your dog's arse. Whether you do that to the two legged one, or the four legged one, I will leave up to you. Now get to fucking fuck." Well he didn't actually say it, but he thought it. Loudly. And that's usually enough for these people.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.