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This Bloke Right

Goes into B&Q and says "the missus keeps going on about this bloody Fifty Shades of Grey film, have you got any rope and duct tape?" The guy behind the counter says "sorry mate, we've had a bit of a run on them since that came out, we're completely sold out." The bloke says "OK then, give us a chain saw and some bin bags." Woof. Fucking cold today isn't it? That pavement's fucking freezing you know. It's all right for you lot with yer fucking shoes on. You fucking pansies. My little paws are frozen solid. Still, it's nice and warm and snuggly on me bed. A fucking king sized double that's what I've got, with me own special blanket on it as well. Me Mum and Dad say that they put that on there to keep the winnets off the duvet. The cheeky buggers. Winnets. Noun. The semi solidified pieces of faeceal matter encrusted to the hairs around a dog's ring piece. syn. Bum crumbs, Klingons.

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