What does a South Korean use to take his dog out? Oven gloves! I can't believe they eat dogs over there really, the dirty bastards, isn't it just an urban myth? Like Elvis working down the chippie, or Lord Lucan riding the winner of the 3.45 at Catterick? Or that Jeremy Corbyn was in Hawkwind and was also Father Abraham in the Smurfs? What he REALLY was in fucking Hawkwind and was Father Bastard Abraham? Are you taking the piss? Hmmmm. Gives me an idea though....Knocker, here boy, you know that new Korean restaurant in town, they're looking for a guard dog....
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...