There's a new sheriff in town

Sheriff Donald J Trump walks into a bar in Laredo, Southern Texas - close to the Mexican border.

He spits on the bar, places his gun and holster down - and says - "gimme a shot of red eye".

The bartender does as he's told; and then glances down at the gun. It has 7 notches carved into it.

"Hey senor- what's with the 7 notches on your gun"?

Trump says - "well I shot five Mexican's last week. "So ... that's a notch for each one of 'em".

Bartender pausing: "well ... what are the other notches for?"

Trump: "well, see... they're bonus notches!". "Adios amigo".

Woof!

Glasto

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.

my Mum, your Dad

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

it's bin day

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go, I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

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