Junior Toddler Chef

Junior Toddler Chef - Episode 2

Well after last week's unsurprising elimination of little Alfie Suggs, who shit himself during the Technical Round, there are still plenty of contestants left.

Here's little Bratella Johnson, she's a vegan, gluten intolerant, people intolerant and doesn't like being asked to do anything. She's going to fuckin' struggle in Pie Week then if she doesn't like meat or wheat.

After all Mummy 'wheat is murder', all those fields full of crops makes me sick. Plus that goldfish you got for me from the fun fair -"how would you like to go round in a circle all day in a tiny cramped space?". After Mummy pointed out that they live in a council flat in Swindon, she does know exactly what that's like you little cow. Undeterred Bratella decided to make her pork pie from some nettles with a soggy tofu crust, earning her a now infamous Paul Bollywood headbutt.

What we need now are few more PC contestants, like Winston Cadogo who may just possibly be of Caribbean origin, Ali Snackbar and of course a few more unfortunate types. Shite TV.

Quick joke. What's the best thing to come out of Swindon? The M4 ! Woof

Glasto

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.

my Mum, your Dad

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

it's bin day

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go, I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

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