£90 quid a pop for a pet passport.

Never mind Brexit, what about Rex-it? My sources tell me that after the 29th of March it will cost £90 for a pet to go anywhere in Europe.

I know it's a moot point - seeing as my chances of going on holiday anywhere - let alone Europe are minimal. I haven't even been to fuckin' Knaresborough recently, so there's no chance of a 'soiree a la France' for me.

Me Mum's not rushing to get me a passport for my jollies either - is she! She's been to the Seychelles, the Maldives and all points east. The furthest I venture these days is Stalag Luft 45 - aka the Kennels - with that loopy, bum-sniffing Tommy for company. Next thing I know, I'm feeling a stray paw on my nether regions. All I can say is - I won't bend down to eat my breakfast whilst he's about.

I blame Nigel Farage. I bet his poodle - Trixie Belle - is spoiled rotten with truffles on a fluffy pillow for her dinner. I just get whatever scraps are lying around.

BASTARDS! Woof !

Glasto

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.

my Mum, your Dad

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

it's bin day

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go, I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

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