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Showing posts from January 13, 2013

Carlos Tevez

The poor little lamb, has been banned from driving for failing to respond to police letters regarding his car clocked speeding. It wasn't his fault, says his solicitor. He didn't reply because he didn't understand the word "Constabulary" at the top of the letters so he didn't think that they were of any importance. I wonder how long it took them to dream that one up? They should try writing "Dear Mr Dirty Cheating Argie Bastard" at the top of them next time the police correspond with Mr Tevez, I suggest. I nearly choked on my pigs ear when I went on to read from his solicitor: "He is a footballer and in that regard he is relatively well-paid." Relatively well paid, eh? Well you could say that I suppose: Is that all?

My Lidl Pony

Despite the news that they've found that some supermarket "econoburgers" may contain as much as 29% horse, the Irish food safety authority tell us that there is no risk to health. How do they know that? Do these burgers come from approved suppliers or something? If anything is a surprise it's that there's actually 29% meat in these disgusting bloody things. I wouldn't give one to a human. Cue jokes that despite the news, sales remaining stable. Or a horse walks into a bap....Neigh. Me Dad went into McDonalds at lunchtime and asked for a quarterpounder, the spotty youth behind the counter said "do you want anything on it Mister?" Me Dad said yeah, I'll have a fiver each way please. Woof. He woke up to find a horse's head at the foot of the bed this morning. It was nothing to do with the Mafia, me Mum has just bought a new duvet set from Tesco's. Meanwhile Animal Right's have announced that they are changing their motto to "Meat is

Strange But True

A report on Bloomberg says that in Japan sales of adult "diapers" - they mean nappies, but they are Septic's so they call them something different - now outstrip sales of nappies for babies. I nearly pissed myself when I read that. It doesn't really say whether this is down to medical reasons, or if they are just plain lazy bastards. What a waste of money too. Why don't they just get a bloke to follow them round with a pooh bag like I do? He doesn't charge anything for doing it, I think he just does it because he likes it, and at this time of year it does provide a welcome hand-warming opportunity. I did one the other day that was giving off more steam than Drax power station. It wasn't as large as Drax obviously, what sort of Border Terrier do you think I am? It certainly had enough latent energy in it to boil a kettle though I reckon. Or perhaps power a bedside lamp. Thinking about it I could be missing a trick here. The Border Terrier Pooh Lamp. Every h