The poor little lamb, has been banned from driving for failing to respond to police letters regarding his car clocked speeding. It wasn't his fault, says his solicitor. He didn't reply because he didn't understand the word "Constabulary" at the top of the letters so he didn't think that they were of any importance. I wonder how long it took them to dream that one up? They should try writing "Dear Mr Dirty Cheating Argie Bastard" at the top of them next time the police correspond with Mr Tevez, I suggest. I nearly choked on my pigs ear when I went on to read from his solicitor: "He is a footballer and in that regard he is relatively well-paid." Relatively well paid, eh? Well you could say that I suppose: Is that all?
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...