A report on Bloomberg says that in Japan sales of adult "diapers" - they mean nappies, but they are Septic's so they call them something different - now outstrip sales of nappies for babies. I nearly pissed myself when I read that. It doesn't really say whether this is down to medical reasons, or if they are just plain lazy bastards. What a waste of money too. Why don't they just get a bloke to follow them round with a pooh bag like I do? He doesn't charge anything for doing it, I think he just does it because he likes it, and at this time of year it does provide a welcome hand-warming opportunity. I did one the other day that was giving off more steam than Drax power station. It wasn't as large as Drax obviously, what sort of Border Terrier do you think I am? It certainly had enough latent energy in it to boil a kettle though I reckon. Or perhaps power a bedside lamp. Thinking about it I could be missing a trick here. The Border Terrier Pooh Lamp. Every home should have one in this eco-friendly day and age. Simply place a fresh steaming Terrier stool onto the easy wipe "docking station" before retiring to bed where you can enjoy a couple of chapters of 50 Shades Of Grey illuminated by the romantic iridescent glow of the Border Terrier Pooh Lamp completely free. Guaranteed to get you in the mood or your money back. Or even better, why not treat the one you love to our special 70's look Border Terrier "Lava" Lamp. Amuse the kids AND save the planet. Please note: needs topping up with fresh "lava" every day. Available in brown for just £19.95, or the exclusive limited edition white for seventeen easily affordable monthly payments of just £99.95 each. I might even throw in a free copy of my forthcoming autobiography "Can You Smell Something Funny?" as a welcome gift with the latter. Fucking genius I am.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.