The two-legged people watched that Embarrassing Bodies thing tonight, have you ever seen it? I had to look away - "tonight we've got Mark from Edinburgh who has a penis the size and shape of a banyan tree and Ellie from Northallerton who has a ladies special place the width of the Mersey Tunnel." Followed by: "Mark says he's always been acutely embarrassed by having a willy the size, shape and texture of a banyan tree since he was seven. So much so that he's never been to see a doctor about it. Up until now when he's decided to whop it out in front of the nation's television cameras and let Dr Pixie poke it with a stick." I can't tell you what Ellie had to say, but it's put me right off my dog chew I can tell you.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.