The two-legged people watched that Embarrassing Bodies thing tonight, have you ever seen it? I had to look away - "tonight we've got Mark from Edinburgh who has a penis the size and shape of a banyan tree and Ellie from Northallerton who has a ladies special place the width of the Mersey Tunnel." Followed by: "Mark says he's always been acutely embarrassed by having a willy the size, shape and texture of a banyan tree since he was seven. So much so that he's never been to see a doctor about it. Up until now when he's decided to whop it out in front of the nation's television cameras and let Dr Pixie poke it with a stick." I can't tell you what Ellie had to say, but it's put me right off my dog chew I can tell you.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...