Had a lovely walk this morning down by the river, it was me Dad's birthday yesterday so he'd gone out on the lash, meaning that we had a 4 mile walk into town to pick up the car. All went well until we got there only to find that there was a bloody stupid scooter rally on. Who are these saddo's? Old gits stuck in a pathetic 60's time warp. They've either got sweatshirts on that say Preston Posse or Whitby Wheelers or something like that, or ex-Army issue overcoats. Like they think that makes them look like they are Steve McQueen in The Great Escape. Except they're not, they are a fat old bloke on a scooter. A scooter with an engine smaller than that of the average Kenwood Chef that barely has enough oomph to support their ample frame. A scooter that is kicking out so many shitty exhaust fumes that it must surely be contravening emission rules. Not to mention the noise. Christ these things make more racket than an epileptic in a bowling alley. They want to round them all up and shove the lot of 'em off Beachy Head, bikes, army overcoats, Union Jack crash helmets and more sodding mirrors than a Miss World contest.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...