Who'd have them, well not me obviously as they got me "done" last year, the tight bastards. The eldest one, what's she called? You know the one with an iPod stuck to her right hand. Nah, it's gone, anyway she's been making a fuss about wanting an alarm clock so she can get up at 6.30am for Christ's sake. Even I don't get up at that time. Not even for sausages. Why does she want to get up then, I mean there's nobody to Facebook at that time is there? The answer is so that she's got time to straighten her hair before she goes to school! And she's not even curly! I despair of the youth of today, I really do. Pooh count: a very convivial treble.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...