Mobile phone answer messages that say "after recording your message please hang up." Like what the feck else am I gonna do? Hang on for the rest of the day? Also the bloke who knocked on the door yesterday who was doing a survey on tea, I kid you not. Tea, like you drink from a cup, not what you eat when you get home from work. Not that I work, I'm a border terrier, but like you two-legged lot do. Apart from me Dad. He just sits on his computer playing Space Invaders all day long, the lazy bastard. Anyway this bloke knocks on the door and says "Hello sir, I'm doing a survey about tea, do you drink much tea in your house?" So me Dad gives his stock reply of "no, sorry, it's a rented property," and promptly shut the door. It's all right for you lot, this is what passes for humour round here. Pooh count: seven, almost equalling my personal best, logtastic.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...