Nice walk around the pinewoods yesterday morning, got let off my lead and immediately rolled in fox shit, or Allure by Emporio Armani as I like to call it. Locked out of the house until teatime for some reason, the classless bastards. No sign of Julia Bradbury on CountryFile last night, and I see that another one of the lady presenters is also "in foal". It must be the sight of all them farm animals bang at it that gets them going, I reckon. Watched Antiques Roadshow, barked at the ginger kid from over the road and bedded down for the night on the settee, I don't want my basket stinking of fox shit in the morning do I? Pooh count: 6, average.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...