A farmer got married and was riding home from church with his new bride in a horse and cart. Part way home the horse stumbled before righting itself and carrying on. "That's once" muttered the farmer quietly, shaking his head. Soon after the same thing happened again. "That's twice" said the farmer quietly, again shaking his head whilst his new wide sat quietly by his side. Before they made it back to the farm the horse stumbled for a third and final time. The farmer pulled up, slowly retrieved a shotgun from underneath his seat and calmly shot the horse dead. Aghast his bride said "well I think that was a little uncalled for, just because the poor thing stumbled a few times." The farmer sighed and muttered "that's once".
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...