The leaked memoirs of a "big cheese" at a large northern compound feed manufacturer threaten to blow the lid off the industry, I can exclusively reveal. Speaking to Nogger's Dog's Blog on strict condition of anonymity the man, who I can only refer to as Brown Nose for legal reasons, confessed that competition for a feed order was now so intense in his part of the country that reps are being forced to "stoop to all sorts of depravity" to get an order. "Even bottom fettling?" I asked. "That's just the shameful tip of it," he replied. "One large dairy farmer nearby will only give us his order if the rep lets him ride him into town on all fours stripped naked whilst the farmer plays that tune from the film Deliverance on his banjo," he revealed. "And if our guy won't do it then the next chap up the drive will," he sobbed.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.