The leaked memoirs of a "big cheese" at a large northern compound feed manufacturer threaten to blow the lid off the industry, I can exclusively reveal. Speaking to Nogger's Dog's Blog on strict condition of anonymity the man, who I can only refer to as Brown Nose for legal reasons, confessed that competition for a feed order was now so intense in his part of the country that reps are being forced to "stoop to all sorts of depravity" to get an order. "Even bottom fettling?" I asked. "That's just the shameful tip of it," he replied. "One large dairy farmer nearby will only give us his order if the rep lets him ride him into town on all fours stripped naked whilst the farmer plays that tune from the film Deliverance on his banjo," he revealed. "And if our guy won't do it then the next chap up the drive will," he sobbed.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...