Took me Dad to the Monet exhibition at the Tate Britain the other day and we stumbled across the famous Water Lilies. "Typical bloody French," me Dad said. "Lazy bastards - can't be bothered to do anything properly." I was about to explain that the emphasis on the subtle depiction of light in its changing qualities and the attempt to capture 'movement' on canvas with liberal brushstrokes culminated in what's universally accepted the world over as an impressionist masterpiece. But me Dad continued before I could open my mouth: "Only a lazy bloody Frog would let his garden pond get into that state."
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...