All this stuff in the news about this politician geezer puts me in mind of that Little Britain show that me Mum and Dad watch. You know the sketch where the bloke, his wife and two kids are at the gates of their country pile in the Home Counties and the politian fella says something along the lines of thsi to the gathered media: "Driving home from Devon last week I took a wrong turning and accidentally found myself at Kings Cross railway station at 3am. In my desperation to use the loo I entered an already occupied cubicle by mistake whereupon I slipped on a carelessly placed bar of soap...." I don't know if I'm allowed to put the rest of it as it includes the words penis and bottom.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...