My God I'm bored. Last week we had all the excitement of a new bathroom being fitted with lots of building types in and out all day, dropping bits of bacon butty and feeding me chocolate hobnobs. B&Q are great at installing bathrooms, they're just a bit lax when it comes to taking away all the old shite it seems. So this week there's nothing going on apart from the odd visit from a passing gyppo to enquire if we want that radiator/those taps that are piled up at the bottom of the drive. You've got to bark at every passing gyppo though haven't you, it comes with the job. Some people say that their wedding day was the happiest moment of their lives. They're the ones who haven't seen a gypsy getting knocked down by a truck. Pooh count: not sure, I turned me back for a minute and the gyppo's must have taken them as well.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...