Not that I follow these things, but I see that Fatima Whitbread is to make an appearance in I'm A Celebrity. Have you seen the state of her these days? I mean she was never a looker, but even so. Like David Dickinson on steroids she is. Single Mum Fatima (yes single Mum, that poses a fairly obvious question doesn't it) says that the hardest part about her personal Rumble in the Jungle will be leaving her son a home. She's obviously never thought that he might be relieved not to have her hanging round the school gates at home time. "Look at Whitbread's Mum over there, the one with the beard, wrestling with that bear." It's always an embarrassment when your Mum looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger after he's fallen into a bucket of creosote isn't it? Pooh count: two, one of which could have passed for Ms Whitbread in a certain light I feel.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...