Having famously devoured a hamster a few years ago now, the I'm a Celebrity mob obviously decided to get their own back on behalf of pets all over the world and force their captive has-been talentless "comic" to eat so much rubbish that poor old Freddie has had to be sent home with a gippy tum tum, I read. According to the Beeb the unfunny man was made to eat "mice tails, a pig's anus, cooked camel toe and turkey testicles" amongst other delicacies before coming over all queasy and having to get the next bus out of the jungle and whisked into hospital. "They couldn't find anything wrong with me physically," he says, which suggests to me that your problems are mental Freddie. Still, on a brighter note you've got a nicely coiled terrier pooh on a mahogany plinth to look forward to when you get home me old son, so it's not all bad is it now?
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.