The M1 was apparently closed in both directions near Sheffield last night after a lorry load of Marmite crashed on the motorway, say the BBC with not a pun in sight. No mention of skid marks on the marmite motorway, or soldiers being sent to clear up the mess or even if it crashed into 25 tonnes of toast heading in the opposite direction. Nothing. This isn't what we pay the licence fee for is it? Not that I pay a licence fee of course, I'm a dog, border terriers are exempt. All I need to do now is find out where the lorry was headed and I can mail them off a few tonnes of my own personal marmite concentrate. It's the same colour but tastes far nicer.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.