The kids are doing my head in with this good kid, bad kid thing. The problem seems to be that they both want to play bad kid most of the time. All they seem to do is moan constantly about how difficult school is. "It's not easy you know, you have to do lessons and everything and you're not even allowed to swear at the f***in teachers any more. Look at this mountain of homework I've got, it's going to take at least 15 minutes to sort my way through that pissing lot. You don't realise how hard it is. Look I've got to write my name there and then I've got to copy the answers that they've already given us onto there. The stress is feckin unbelievable. Oh, by the way, I'm staying at (insert random kids name here) on Friday and then we're going into town and to the pictures and ten pin bowling and then MacDonalds and the cinema and then I'm having my hair straightened/curled/styled at that new salon on town where you get a full head massage and as many cups of tea as you want. See that's how feckin stressed I am, I need to do all that just to unwind myself a little. Have we got any chocolate? You should be glad you're not (insert random kids name here) Mum/Dad he/she has been expelled/is expecting triplets/lives in isolation/shot the teacher today/gave (insert random kids name) a hand shandy in science. Christ if only you knew how hard things are for me. Up to here with stress I am. Can I have some money? What's for tea? Can all my mates come in, all of them, they'll be really quiet. Can they all have tea as well? What do you mean you haven't got fifteen portions on permanent standby. Christ you're useless. No wonder I'm stressed is it? Where's my hat/scarf/coat? What? I haven't done anything. Christ, chill out will you. You're a right stress head."
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.