Today is the day when football fans up and down the country wait anxiously with one ear glued to Talksport. Hoping that they don't sign Andy Carroll. Or the White Emile Heskey as me Dad calls him. Meanwhile in other transfer news Man City have just paid £45 million for a cryogenically frozen stem cell of Pelé. Kenny Dogleash got all excited when he heard that City were interested a Tevez/Carroll swap until he realised that they meant that in exchange for Carroll Liverpool would get the Pannini sticker version of Carlos "the Jackass" Tevez. Alex McLeish has reassured Villa fans that "Heskey is going nowhere" - tell them something they don't already know Alex. And Liverpool are said to be close to a deal to take Adolph Hitler on loan.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.