Today is the day when football fans up and down the country wait anxiously with one ear glued to Talksport. Hoping that they don't sign Andy Carroll. Or the White Emile Heskey as me Dad calls him. Meanwhile in other transfer news Man City have just paid £45 million for a cryogenically frozen stem cell of Pelé. Kenny Dogleash got all excited when he heard that City were interested a Tevez/Carroll swap until he realised that they meant that in exchange for Carroll Liverpool would get the Pannini sticker version of Carlos "the Jackass" Tevez. Alex McLeish has reassured Villa fans that "Heskey is going nowhere" - tell them something they don't already know Alex. And Liverpool are said to be close to a deal to take Adolph Hitler on loan.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...