Skip to main content

Chuckle

I couldn't help but chuckle last night with me Dad attempting to help the little two legged fella with his homework on WWII. Perhaps inevitably Hitler got a mention, to which the lad innocently enquired "what was his catchphrase?" That tickled me as personally I wasn't aware that he'd done any stand-up work, but sarcastic bastard that he is me Dad immediately replies in his best Kenneth Williams voice "I think it was Oooh, aren't you Kampf!" He's a ruthless bastard. The other two legged reckoned that she'd spotted a three legged cow in a field on Saturday afternoon. She took some stick for that one too. "Yeah, maybe they're eating it bit by bit." That sort of thing. "Look there's one with no legs, the one lying down. And there's another with only two legs, oh no sorry that's a duck." Then, later on, bored in the garden centre he swore that he'd spotted a packet of "grow your own cheese." Does me head in sometimes. Pooh count: just the one, about the size of the Faroe Islands it was, but warmer obviously. And it didn't have one of them funny little woolen hats on before you ask.

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too
Read more

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...
Read more

RIP Frank Carson

It's a little known fact that Frank Carson actually got into comedy purely by chance. When he was a young man, he was a church bell-ringer in Northern Ireland, but he was so bad at it that every time he rang the bells, everyone immediately burst out laughing. It was the way he tolled them. Pooh count: two, and one of them a cracker that has your name on it Frankie. You can pick it up from Pearly Gates reception on your way in.
Read more