Why did little Tommy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Well not little Tommy obviously. A doctor goes into a hospital ward to see a pregnant lady, who has had terrible stomach cramps and fears for her unborn child. "Well, my dear, there's good news and bad news, which would you like first?" the doctor says. Bracing herself the lady opts for the bad news. "Well, we've run some tests and the bad news is that your baby has got ginger hair," the doctor says. "Oh no!" she sighs. "What's the good news?" The doctor replies, "It's dead."
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...