"Great Substitution By Roy"

No it wasn't. Milner is shit, as per my previous review, and shouldn't have even been on the plane out there let alone in the bleedin starting 11. Instead of saying "what a great substitution by Roy" they should have been saying "what the fuck is Milner doing on the pitch, he's shit." And another thing: "great tackle back there by Glen Johnson" really should have been "what the fuck was Johnson doing there, he was miles out of position the useless tosser, it's a good job that he can run a bit faster than that old bloke the Swedes had on the ball, for all his rednose shitness, or we'd have been right royally fucked up a fucking bastard gum tree, Gary." Ratings - Hart: shit with gloves on; Johnson: a heavily tattooed shit; Terry: OK, but still a racist shit; Lescott: reverted to type, shit; Cole: fast, but shit; Milner, you have to hand it to him, his shitness managed to plunge to new depths that you can normally only go to in a specially made anti-shit submersible to see where enormous colourless shit things live that have never been caught on camera before; Parker: fuckin useless little shit that would be out of his shit depth in the Scottish third shit division playing in front of a crowd of six; Gerrard: past the sell by date heap of old shit; Young: a young pile of steaming fresh shit; Carroll: a long tall shit with three "breather rings" on it; Welbeck: quite good.