Did you see the picture of that cat that was spotted in Essex and reported to be an escaped lion? Muppets, it looked no more like an escaped lion than me. It just goes to show you though doesn't it how fucking stupid and gullible the great British public are. No sooner had one tosser rang up to report it, than other equally stupid tossers were ringing up to confirm the sighting of it, and/or confirmation of hearing "an enormous roar" coming from some nearby bushes. These wanky mass hysteria plebs that walk amongst us do like a fucking good panic don't they? Salmonella, swine flu, bird flu, fucking lions on the loose, where is it all going to end? Killer pigeons? Axe wielding homicidal hamsters? Border Terriers that don't roll in shit and steal sandwiches, Haribo and ice creams off small children? The people of Essex you disgust me. Get back on Jeremy Kyle.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...