Did you see the picture of that cat that was spotted in Essex and reported to be an escaped lion? Muppets, it looked no more like an escaped lion than me. It just goes to show you though doesn't it how fucking stupid and gullible the great British public are. No sooner had one tosser rang up to report it, than other equally stupid tossers were ringing up to confirm the sighting of it, and/or confirmation of hearing "an enormous roar" coming from some nearby bushes. These wanky mass hysteria plebs that walk amongst us do like a fucking good panic don't they? Salmonella, swine flu, bird flu, fucking lions on the loose, where is it all going to end? Killer pigeons? Axe wielding homicidal hamsters? Border Terriers that don't roll in shit and steal sandwiches, Haribo and ice creams off small children? The people of Essex you disgust me. Get back on Jeremy Kyle.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.